Losing an Elderly Loved One

Grief affects us all differently, especially when the one we lost was a huge part of our lives. After the loss of an elderly individual, grief can be a strange thing. On one hand, they lived a full life; but on the other, you will miss them a lot. Many people feel this way when they lose elderly parents or grandparents. This article will discuss how grief can be conflicting after the loss of an elderly loved one.

Suffering in their Old Age

Many elderly people deal with a lot of pain and health issues in their final months, or even years. Getting old is not an easy process. It may be hard to come to terms with, but many old people suffer from a lot of chronic problems in their final years. It can be difficult to watch your loved one struggle with their diminishing mental or physical well-being. Conditions like dementia, heart disease, arthritis, and other chronic illnesses can take a toll on an elderly person. 

How People Minimize Grief in the Elderly

It can be sad to say, but people often diminish feelings of grief when it comes to the elderly. It may sound comforting to tell someone, “At least they lived a long life,” but that doesn’t make the loss hurt any less. A long life lost means that those closest to them probably had a lifetime of fond memories with them. Even if they died peacefully, saying that “it was their time” doesn’t negate feelings of loss. People may have different feelings when it comes to these platitudes. Your reaction to them may differ. Know that they aren’t supposed to minimize the loss, but they may end up feeling that way.

Losing a Parent or Grandparent

It can be devastating to lose a parent or grandparent, at any age. If they were your only surviving parent, you may feel lost and alone. You may also have to deal with your children experiencing the loss of their grandparent. A family losing its matriarch or patriarch can mean a lot of change in the coming years. This can include changing holiday traditions and plans with extended family. For many families, the elders are the glue that holds them together and keeps everyone in touch.

When You Are Close in Age to the Deceased

The older you get, the more isolation can become common. Friends and family throughout the years may have passed away. Grief can weigh heavily on those of an advanced age, especially when the one who passed away was close in age to you. Many elderly individuals suffer from what is known as cumulative grief, where the feelings of loss throughout their years begin to weigh even more heavily on them. As you survive more and more of your friends and family, that grief can compound.  

The author of this post is not a professional therapist or counselor. For more personalized grief care, find a grief counselor who is right for you. For our Grief Resource Center, written by Dr. Bill Webster, click here. 
For over 50 years, Matthew Funeral Home has been serving the Staten Island community. We can help with almost every aspect of your loved one’s memorial service. Our family is here to serve yours, every step of the way.