Is Grief Actually Good for You?

Grief can feel as though a great weight rests on our shoulders. Grieving can be a challenging experience. Although grief is brought upon us by loss and sorrow, is it a bad thing? Grief is an emotion that takes courage to endure and strength to overcome. But it is also an important aspect of the healing process.

Grief and Pain

The feelings we experience during grief are not fun. It is not something that anyone wants to experience. We often fear the emotions that grief brings on: the heartache, the pain, the hollowness. This heartache is us feeling the loss and processing how we feel. It may not be fun, but it's human. 

Denial of Your Feelings

Denial of the situation, of the feelings. Until you accept the circumstances of your grief, you do not truly feel the full weight of your grief. We often lie to ourselves to avoid the hurt in times of grief. We say things like “I don’t have time to be sad,” or “dealing with my grief only makes it worse.” But grief will come whether or not you have the time for it. It is normal to feel grief. It is normal to feel sad after the loss of a loved one. You can’t always shut out your emotions. We all have to embrace it, whether it. 

Grief is Often Unexpected

You can’t deal with your grief on your own time. Grief can be unpredictable. You can’t just shut it off until your day at work is done, or until you are alone. Grief cannot be put on a schedule, and that is OK. You may never know what could trigger it. Someone may walk by wearing a perfume that reminds you of your loved one, or a song might come up on the radio that triggers a memory of them. It is OK to feel grief at these times. 

Grief and Finding Joy

One thing that many who are grieving fail to realize is that it is alright to feel some happiness in times of grief. Grief and joy are not mutually exclusive. The reason loss is painful is because of all the joy that your loved one has brought you. Don’t feel guilty for having a bit of fun while grieving. Being able to accept a little joy in your life once more is a strong step in the healing process. 

Grief, Joy, and Guilt

Some people may feel guilty for experiencing a little joy or cracking a smile while experiencing grief. When we try to numb the pain of the bad feelings, we too often end up numbing all feelings in the process. It is normal to try to enjoy something while in grief, be it a funny movie or a hobby. You should not feel guilty for trying to find joy while grieving. Finding happiness is important to working through your grief. 

The author of this post is not a professional therapist or counselor. For more personalized grief care, find a grief counselor that is right for you. For our Grief Resource Center, written by Dr. Bill Webster, click here. 
For over 50 years, Matthew Funeral Home has been serving the Staten Island community. We can help with almost every aspect of your loved one’s memorial service. Our family is here to serve yours, every step of the way.