Accepting How Your Loved One Died

By: Matthew Funeral Home
Monday, July 12, 2021


Grief is a powerful and complex emotion, especially when coping with the loss of a loved one. For many people, confronting the cause of death can be a difficult process. However, it can be an important step in working through your grief. Looking back to those moments can be painful, but ultimately it can be important to come to terms with the circumstances of your loved one’s passing. This article will explore how to explore this side of your grief, and why it can be a healing experience.

Seeking Therapy or Grief Counseling

Before we explore your grief, it is important to understand the resources out there for you. Therapists or grief counselors can help you find a more personalized way to work through your grief. Above all, the journey of your grief can be a deeply personal, and painful, process. A licensed grief counselor or therapist can help you through this process, and provide you with someone to talk to about your feelings, in a safe space. Many churches and community organizations may also offer counseling or group workshops for those dealing with grief. If you need help, don’t be afraid to reach out.

Reviewing the Details

It can be incredibly stressful to review the details surrounding your loved one’s death. If it is too painful, consider taking time to relax before trying again later. Grief in this manner can often seem like an open wound that needs to be left to heal. But wounds often need care, as well as time to heal.
Ultimately, accepting the circumstances of their passing can be hard. Acceptance is the last stage of grief for a reason. Below are some different causes of death, and how one might work towards dealing with their loss. These are not cut-and-dry solutions, but merely suggestions on how to potentially work through the situation.

Car Accidents

Loss from a car accident or other sudden tragedy can be unexpected. Grief from a sudden and unexpected event can be hard to process because of the jarring nature of the event. It may be painful to visit the site of the accident. After the death of a loved one from a car crash, some people find it almost impossible to get behind the wheel themselves. However you find difficulty processing the event, it can be helpful to take steps toward dealing with it. Going to the location of the crash, reading the police report, or even getting behind the wheel yourself can be hard. If you are struggling with driving after losing a loved one in an accident, consider riding with a close friend or family member first. For more information on sudden loss and grief, read our article here.

Terminal Illness

Coping with the loss of a loved one can be a different type of grief. Many family members have time to prepare for this loss as the health of their loved one deteriorates. However, this does not negate your feelings of grief. Even with time to prepare, the loss can still feel incredibly painful. Many people that lose a loved one to a terminal illness may feel anxiety regarding that disease. That is completely normal. You should talk to your doctor about risk factors, screenings, and ways that you might work towards prevention.

Suicide

After a loved one passes away from suicide, close friends and family members may feel guilty as part of their grief. It is common to feel like you could have done more, or that you should have noticed the signs. It is OK to feel this way. But, you also have to understand that there is no way of knowing the answers to these “what if” questions. Accepting what happened can be difficult, but it is also a necessary step in the grieving process.

Dealing With Stress and Self-Blame

Many people feel guilt or stress concerning the loss of their loved ones. Some blame themselves or others for the passing. Others may experience depression, anxiety, or even PTSD. There is no cut-and-dry way to resolve these feelings. Understanding and accepting the circumstances of your loved one’s death can be an avenue towards healing. If you need help processing this stress, consider talking with a professional grief counselor or therapist.

Guilt and the Passing of a Loved One

Guilt can be from things said or done before their passing, but it can also be from the events of their death. It is common for those present at the time of death to feel guilt for their actions, or inactions, as their loved one was passing. Ultimately, you must realize that you cannot change the past. Writing a letter to your deceased loved one can help you work through some of this guilt. Additionally, just talking through these feelings with a trusted friend or family can be helpful.

 

The author of this post is not a professional therapist or counselor. For assistance in finding a grief counselor that is right for you, there are a number of resources out there. For our Grief Resource Center, written by Dr. Bill Webster, click here
For over 50 years, Matthew Funeral Home has been serving the Staten Island community. We can help with almost every aspect of your loved one’s memorial service. Our family is here to serve yours, every step of the way.

Leave a comment
Name*:
Email:
Comment*:
Please enter the numbers and letters you see in the image. Note that the case of the letters entered matters.

Comments

Please wait

Previous Posts

Using Coping Mechanisms for Grief

When you hear the term “Coping Mechanism,” it is often in a negative context. However, that is not always the case. Coping mechanisms can help you deal with the short-term effects of grief. When us...

What To Expect at a Graveside Burial Service

A graveside burial service, also sometimes referred to as a committal service, is an essential part of the funeral service for some cultures. Primarily seen in catholic services, the commital is a ...

Oversized Caskets FAQ

Caskets are generally designed to fit a wide assortment of body types. However, some people may require an oversized casket. An oversized casket is used if an individual’s height, weight, or width ...

Flying With Cremated Remains

Traveling with cremated remains, or cremains can have its challenges. Whether you are moving to a new state or country or bringing your loved one home with you, it is important to understand the pr...

Processing Grief Through Reading for Children

Grief can be hard at any age, but for children and young teens, expressing and processing grief can be especially challenging. It is a very complex emotion, and some children may not be able to ful...

Searching for the Right Grief Counselor

The passing of a loved one can be incredibly painful. The grief of loss often seems unbearable. After the death of someone close, some extra guidance can be helpful. Grief counselors assist those w...

Valentine's Day Without Your Significant Other

Holidays can often be a trigger for grief after the loss of a spouse or long-term partner. Memories of holidays together can pop up from store displays, themed commercials, and more. With Valentine...

Celebrating the Passing of a Long Life

After a long life lived, losing an elderly loved one can be devastating. Your whole life, they have been there for you, and now they are gone. But after a long life lived, it is also an opportunity...

Metal or Wood Caskets

Choosing a casket is an important part of the funeral process. Many families choose the casket after their loved one has passed, but some people choose their casket ahead of time. This article will...

Common Misconceptions About Therapy

Many people have misconceptions about therapy. There is often a lot of fear and stigma around therapy. However, it is one of the best things you can do for your mental health. Your emotional and me...