Taking On Responsibility After a Loss

By: Matthew Funeral Home
Monday, July 17, 2023

When a loved one passes away, the turmoil and chaos of the next few weeks can be hard for most people to handle. Grieving families get together to grieve while attempting to handle the arrangements and coordinate what happens next. Grief adds significant challenges to these tasks. Sometimes, family members need to step up and take on extra responsibilities during this time. This can range from helping to get the funeral arrangements together, to just keeping everyone sane. This article will discuss some of these responsibilities that may arise, and what you can do to handle them.

Making Funeral Arrangements

After choosing a funeral home, you and your family may have to make a series of important decisions regarding your loved one’s funeral arrangements. Hopefully, if your loved one pre-planned the funeral, most of this effort can be relieved from your family. However, if you are starting from scratch, it can be more of a challenge. It is important to take different factors into consideration. These may include the wishes of the deceased and budgetary restrictions, for example. Family members may have their own wishes, but it is important to prioritize the wishes of the deceased and your family’s budget. In many cases, too many opinions on the arrangements can lead to overspending and flared tensions. Help your family come to decisions that your loved one would have wanted, without going too over budget.

Family Coming Together

When families come together for a funeral, problems can occur. While it is good to be surrounded by family in times of hardship, raw emotions can cause unnecessary tension. Try to defuse situations when possible. But, it is also important to understand your limits. Step away if you need to. Take a walk or a drive to clear your head. 

Isolated Family Members

Because everyone grieves differently, some family members may isolate themselves or grieve alone. While this may seem insulting to some family members, just know that they are just trying to process grief differently. If friends and family are sending food to your home, consider reaching out to an isolated loved one and bringing a care package of leftovers. When people grieve in isolation, they may forget to take care of themselves as well as they should.

Writing an Obituary

Obituaries can be daunting, especially when bogged down by the weight of grief. Your funeral home may have templates that you can use to get started. Alternatively, you may be able to find templates online. When using a template, remember to think about other surviving family members that the template may not include. Most templates will have space for surviving children and grandchildren, but they may not mention siblings or parents. If your loved one is survived by their parents or siblings, be sure to include them. Forgetting an important member of the family from the obituary can lead to family conflict.

Creating a Eulogy

Eulogies are a true challenge in public speaking. Being wracked with grief, writing a personal and touching speech about a loved one can be difficult. Getting up there and reading it to a crowd is another thing altogether. It is perfectly acceptable to show emotion or cry while delivering the eulogy. You can be strong for your family, while still showing emotion. Take your time when working through your speech. Public speaking is hard for many individuals, and the additional pressure of grief can amplify it. Practice your speech in the mirror a few times, or to a friend or family member first.

Staying Strong vs Showing Emotion

As mentioned above, these two things are not mutually exclusive. It is perfectly OK to break down and cry at any point in the grieving process. It is OK to feel numb to the situation, as well. Everyone grieves differently, and it is important that you process your grief as well. 

For over 50 years, Matthew Funeral Home has been serving the Staten Island community. We can help with almost every aspect of your loved one’s memorial service. Our family is here to serve yours, every step of the way.

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