Processing Anger in Grief

By: Matthew Funeral Home
Monday, October 9, 2023

Anger is the second stage of grief, and it is often one of the hardest to deal with. Anger can be a raw emotion, and it is easy to be overwhelmed during your grief. This article will discuss how anger can get the best of you during your grief, and ways to work through your intense feelings.

Understanding Your Anger

Death is complicated, but anger often isn’t. The loss of a loved one can seem cruel and unfortunate, especially if it was sudden. During the grieving process, you may experience anger towards a lot of different targets. Many people get angry at fate, their god, or the circumstances of their loved one’s passing. Some feel anger towards the one who passed, often because they left them. Others may experience anger towards themselves. You may feel like you didn’t do enough, or you didn’t spend enough time with the deceased while they were alive. Sometimes, you may feel angry at yourself for your anger towards the deceased.
Whatever brings you towards this anger, it is important to understand that it is a natural part of your grief. But, rather than bottling it up or lashing out, you should look for ways to channel your feelings into something more positive.

Working Through Your Anger

Working through your anger is part of the healing process. Suppressing emotions are never healthy. And when those around you are also experiencing grief, lashing out is never a good thing. Instead, look for ways to channel your emotions.


Whiting or typing out your thoughts can be a good way to channel your emotions. Let your feelings pour out onto the page. Write about how you are feeling, memories of the deceased, and whatever else you need to release. You don’t have to share this with anyone. You can save it, delete it, or share it with someone you can confide in. Just the act of putting words onto the page can be cathartic. Additionally, writing can help you uncover some of the emotions hidden beneath the surface. 

Get Moving

One way we can work through anger is by working it off. Channel your anger into something positive with physical activity. Go for a walk or run. Hit the gym. Use your angry energy in a way that pushes you to do better.

Channeling Emotions Through Art

Art is a good way to transform your emotions in different ways. If you like to draw, paint, or create art, use your emotions to influence your creations. Much like journaling, creating something from your emotions is a good way to work through them. 

Finding Comfort In Your Favorite Things

While life can be hectic after the loss of a loved one, it is also important to take time for yourself. That can come in many forms, but ultimately, you should do things that make you feel good. Dive into your favorite hobby, or watch your favorite movies. Do things that make you feel just a little bit normal, even if your life seems upside-down. Taking even just a little time for yourself can help you find some peace within the chaos.

The author of this post is not a professional therapist or counselor. For assistance in finding a grief counselor that is right for you, there are a number of resources out there. For our Grief Resource Center, written by Dr. Bill Webster, click here

For over 50 years, Matthew Funeral Home has been serving the Staten Island community. We can help with almost every aspect of your loved one’s memorial service. Our family is here to serve yours, every step of the way.

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