Apathy and Grief

On this blog, we often talk about how grief is a complicated emotion, and how everyone experiences it differently. However, we don’t often talk about grief and apathy. Apathy is a state of numbness or not feeling anything. To others, apathy can be seen as not feeling anything at all, but it can often be the result of overwhelming grief. Sometimes, you feel so much, that you become numb to it all. Below, we will discuss apathy, grief, and perceptions of apathy with grieving loved ones. 

Apathy and Grief

Grief manifests itself in many ways. Apathy can take the form of indifference, disinterest, and a lack of concern. It can be hard for you to focus on things you enjoy doing. But it can also be described as a numbness to emotions. Apathy is a common result of grief, but it is rarely discussed. 

Losing Interest and Motivation

After the loss of a loved one, some people find it hard to focus or stay motivated. It can become harder to pay attention to tasks at work or around the house. But this can also affect things you like to do. Watching a TV show or focusing on a game can become nearly impossible. It is important to understand that this is a common side effect of grief. Unfortunately, if you feel numb doing something that you often go to for comfort, it may be harder to find the positive feelings you were seeking out. 

Apathy as a Self-Preservation Tool

Apathy can be a defensive tool of your brain to help you handle an emotional overload. It is your brain trying to protect you as you try to process your feelings. Grief hurts, but hardening your emotions against the pain can be a way to cope. It may not be the healthiest way to process feelings, but shutting out emotions in the short term is a common way for people to try and get through a difficult time. 
Apathy during times of loss can also be a conscious decision. Sometimes it is easier to grit your teeth and do what is perceived to be needed. Many parents try to put on a brave face for their kids. Teens and young adults may try not to break down in front of their younger family members or friends. 

Apathy and Guilt

While not as common, some grief manifests as apathy as a defense mechanism to feelings of guilt. Guilt is a common feeling after the loss of a loved one, especially when the circumstances of their passing may include an accident, suicide, or other preventable tragedy. Apathy in the face of guilt is not about avoidance or not feeling guilty. It is simply your brain trying to process everything you are dealing with.

Perceived Apathy when Grieving

Because everyone grieves differently, it may appear to some that a person dealing with apathy in grief is not grieving at all. Some people do not like being vulnerable in public and would prefer to let loose their tears alone. The important thing to remember is that we all grieve differently and at our own pace. The grief of a loss may not fully click for some people until a bit later. Try not to mistake perceived apathy for true indifference or antipathy.

The author of this post is not a professional therapist or counselor. For more personalized grief care, find a grief counselor that is right for you. For our Grief Resource Center, written by Dr. Bill Webster, click here. 
For over 50 years, Matthew Funeral Home has been serving the Staten Island community. We can help with almost every aspect of your loved one’s memorial service. Our family is here to serve yours, every step of the way.