Talking to Your Children About Cancer

    When a loved one is diagnosed with cancer, it can be hard for the whole family to process. But if you have young children, you may have to approach the news differently. The concept of cancer can be scary to young children, so it is important to explain it in a manner that is easier to understand for them. Below, we will discuss some tips for talking to your children about a loved one’s cancer diagnosis, and what to expect during treatment.

Reactions and What to Expect

    Your children may intuit that you are upset as you talk about the diagnosis. It is completely ok to show emotion and explain why you feel that way. They may get anxious, stressed, or scared. They will likely have questions and concerns, so be ready for that.

Your Emotions and Cancer Discussions

    It is important to prepare yourself before discussing the diagnosis with your children. Choose a time when you are feeling calmer and more emotionally stable to discuss it. You will want to be more controlled in how you approach the conversation. It may help to have another adult your children trust with you, such as your spouse, a grandparent, or other family member. If needed, write down what you want to say ahead of time. Putting your words to paper will help you get through it more easily. 

Speak Honestly and Openly

    It is best to be honest with your children about topics like cancer. Children can become confused or afraid if they sense that you are hiding information. They may also overhear other conversations in the family regarding the diagnosis, so it is best to be upfront and forthcoming. Encourage them to ask questions, and don’t be afraid to speak honestly or not know all the answers.

Talk On Their Level

    Children should be informed about how this can affect them and their lives, but they may not understand all of the terms or explanations. Try your best to use language they will understand. This can be important when discussing the type of cancer your loved one is living with, or the treatments they may experience. If you have children that range widely in age, you may want to have an initial conversation with all of them and discuss it in more detail with your teens. Teens may have different concerns than younger children. And a 10-year-old will likely require more detail than a 5-year-old. 

Some kids may not be able to fully understand. Some may be more inquisitive and want more info. You know your child, and how they may approach the topic. Be ready to answer questions, and don’t be afraid to not know all the answers. In some cases, you may want to do some research with your child to learn more together. There are many resources available for different age levels to understand cancer. Consider seeking out books that can help. 

Treatment and Expectations

    Generally, an initial diagnosis will lay out expectations for treatment and expected results. Depending on how much information your loved one gave you, you may need to prepare your children for different outcomes. From terminal diagnoses to the effects of chemo and radiation therapy, it is important to prepare your children for the changes ahead. You should also explain how treatment may affect how your loved one looks and feels as their treatment continues. Common symptoms of treatment can include hair loss, fatigue, weight changes, and vomiting. These changes can seem scary to a child. 

Children and Fear of Cancer

    Many children may become worried that themselves or other loved ones may get cancer after learning about it. Firstly, ensure them that the cancer their loved one has is not contagious. Unfortunately, as cancer risks can often be genetic, it can be something to approach in the future. It can be hard to let your child understand that cancer happens to a lot of people. It can be scary for them, and they may not fully comprehend how it forms in different people. Try your best to set them at ease.

Diagnoses in Other Children

    A cancer diagnosis for an older loved one can be scary. But if a cousin, sibling, or schoolmate gets a cancer diagnosis, it may hit closer to home for your child. Cancer in children is always devastating, but it can be even more scary for your child to comprehend. They may experience even more stress and anxiety.

Matthew Funeral Home does not provide medical, legal, or financial advice via articles. This material has been prepared for informational purposes only. It is not intended to provide, and should not be relied on for legal, financial, or medical advice.

The author of this post is not a professional therapist or counselor. For more personalized grief care, find a grief counselor that is right for you. For our Grief Resource Center, written by Dr. Bill Webster, click here. 

For over 50 years, Matthew Funeral Home has been serving the Staten Island community. We can help with almost every aspect of your loved one’s memorial service. Our family is here to serve yours, every step of the way.