Is Grief Good?

Living with grief can feel as though a great weight rests on our shoulders. Grieving can be a challenging experience. Although grief is brought upon us by loss and sorrow, is it truly a bad thing? Grief is an emotion that takes courage to endure, and strength to overcome.

Fear of Grief

The feelings we experience during grief are not fun. It is not something that anyone wants to experience. We often fear the emotions that grief brings on; the heartache, the pain, the hollowness. This fear usually manifests as denial. Denial of the situation, of the feelings. Until you accept the circumstances of your grief, you do not truly feel full weight of your grief. We often lie to ourselves to avoid the hurt in times of grief. We say things like “I don’t have time to be sad,” or “dealing with my grief only makes it worse.” But grief will come whether or not you have the time for it. It is normal to feel grief. It is normal to feel sad after a loss of a loved one. You can’t shut out the emotions, like a child hiding from a storm. We all have to embrace it, weather it. 

Grief is Not Scheduled

You can’t deal with your grief on your own time. Grief is unpredictable. You can’t just shut it off until your day at work is done, or until you are alone.Grief cannot be put on a schedule, and that is OK. You may never know what could trigger it. Someone may walk by wearing a perfume that reminds you of your loved one, or a song might come up on the radio that triggers a memory of them. It is OK to feel grief at these times. 

Grief and Joy

One thing that many who are grieving fail to realize is that it is alright to feel some happiness in times of grief. Some people feel guilty for experiencing a little joy, or cracking a smile while experiencing grief. When we try to numb the pain of the bad feelings, we too often end up numbing all feelings in the process. It is normal to try to enjoy something while in grief; be it a funny movie or a hobby. Grief and joy are not mutually exclusive. There cannot be darkness without light. The reason loss is painful is because of al of the joy that your loved one has brought you. Don’t feel guilty for having a bit of fun while grieving. Being able to accept a little joy in your life once more is a strong step in the healing process. 

The author of this post is not a professional therapist or counselor. For assistance in finding a grief counselor that is right for you, there are a number of resources out there. For our Grief Resource Center, written by Dr. Bill Webster, click here. 
For almost 50 years, Matthew Funeral Home has been serving the Staten Island community. We can help with almost every aspect of your loved one’s memorial service. Our family is here to serve yours, every step of the way.